This quotation by Najwa Zebian resonated with me more than I can express when I read a version of it last week (thanks for sharing, Danette May).
That reading happened to coincide with the 30-year anniversary of my brother’s death. And I knew it was finally time – to let go of the weight I had been carrying ever since I was old enough (10?) to know about his epilepsy and silently declare his survival my responsibility. He died when I was 15.
In the years that followed, I took on the responsibility of “saving” others I cared about and of making sure everything was done as perfectly as possible. I did well for the most part. But the weight rarely lifted.
Last year in therapy, I learned that taking on responsibility is a choice, and I have finally been learning to be responsible for myself first and foremost – the one person I was not taking care of. Now I am learning that it is ok to lighten up and enjoy life, every day.
The change is indescribable. Honestly, it is scary to let go of the weight – because I feel as if I may just fly right up off the planet. But that’s a risk I am finally willing to take. I want to see how high I can fly.
Love yourself as you are. You are your best friend or worst enemy: it’s your decision.